Written by | Posted November 13, 2014 – 12:30 pm A Girl and her Dog

The morning of the all hands summon to the Blasted Lands, Aely went for a walk. The late fall air was clear and cool, and leaves crunched under their feet in the less-traveled parts of the streets. She and Roger took the long way around Old Town, south through Tanner Circle and down Bulwarks, across […]

filed under Guest Posts, Other stuff, Silly
Ode to a ‘Splody Bat Man
comment 3 Written by on March 20, 2008 – 7:24 am

This was given to me by Shugotenshi, who was there at its original telling by Ninquelote, on the Feathermoon server. I did not witness the original telling, but I have so loved this poem that I found it needed to be transcribed. I hope that you all enjoy it as much as I did (and still do).

Also – this is one of the reasons that I was so happy to hear that the bat men do, in fact, explode again (they were nerfed for awhile), even though nobody really does much with Zul’Gurub anymore.

batrider*

Ode to the ‘Splody Bat Man
By Ninquelote

Transversing Zul’Gurub? Oh, Traveler, Beware!
There’s more than the stench of troll pong in the air.
There’s snake pong! And spider pong! (a pong quite unmatched!)
And bat rider pong with bat rider attached!

I met a bat rider who left such an impression
That, once healed, I composed this poetic digression:
Ode to a ‘Splody Bat Man!

Oh joyous bat rider, you soar through the sky,
And the troll-children wave as your bat-train flits by,
How your bats fill the air with shrill chirps and sharp pong!
Oh what happy bats they must be, sailing along…

But all is not well, for buried in side you
Is the terrible charge which will wholly divide you.
And when war is afoot and the battle turns ill,
You turn victory pyrrhic with a most bitter pill.

For your eyes, they glow red, and you cackle with glee
At the messy and painful surprise there will be!
And, muttering a magical, sulphurous ode…
You ’SPLODE!

You ‘splode with a vengeance! Not some little “pop!”
You make a plateau from the green mountaintop!
The warriors clad in fel, magical gear,
Are half turned to jelly, and half disappear!

The rogues, oh so dodgy, just cease to exist!
They can’t dodge the furious bone-filled red mist.
And the cloth-clad folks, hapless (though farther away)
Are equally slain for their role in the fray.

I gaze at the carnage, the mountain laid bare
And pick little bits of bat guts from my hair
And I wonder how someone who loves his bats so
Could turn them to mincemeat in one ‘splody blow.

Are you catty or batty? A fiend or a freak?
Your repair bill alone must be 10 gold a week!
What could possible drive you to this crazed solution
That calls for the loss of your own constitution?

Are the benefits good? Do the troll-women flock?
As you stride from that troll-hospital down the block?
Do your parents say proudly, “Here lies Dear K0rr0siv.
He transcended dysfunction; went straight to explosive!”

I flat out don’t get why you’d take such a task,
But there isn’t much left of you for me to ask.
So I’ll get back to grooming, and go back to town,
And stare in the distance, and mutter, and frown.

And I’ll try to determine as best as I can,
What drives the demise of the ‘Splody Bat Man.

*image from www.wowwiki.com

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3 Responses to “Ode to a ‘Splody Bat Man”

  1. This reminds me of the World of Warcraft forums “WWII as an RPG” thing!

    By Niyati on Mar 20, 2008 | Reply
  2. I still think ZA should have had exploding bears. Because I want every rogue ever to suffer as I have suffered.

    By Tarq on Mar 20, 2008 | Reply
  3. Ah, yes… memories. Just love the bit about the repair bill 8-)

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