Written by | Posted November 19, 2013 – 4:46 pm Deconstruction

Bad things are happening in Stormwind – and beyond.

The Hand of Lothar, they call themselves.

Yva Darrows was their first target.

Tirith and Aely were their second and third.

They have since… expanded their reach and escalated their methods …

filed under Guides, Silly
Be an RP-Sex Genius!
comment 13 Written by on April 1, 2008 – 7:33 am

So the monkeys over at World of Matticus have caught on that I happen to play on an RP server. And not only that, I play on *the* RP server – yes, you know it – Feathermoon, home of the infamous Tram Incident. <makes crow noises>

So! I’m here to help you with all your ERP needs – no need to hide those secrets here, because everyone knows that the only reason to play on an RP realm is for the hawt nelf cyber!

ANYway – A few tips here, from your resident Draenei hottie. *wink*

1 – When it comes to getting your body out there, the whole “naked on a mailbox” thing is for amateurs. Seriously. I mean, yeah – it’ll get you publicity, but most people have learned to block those images out. If you want prime space for “recruiting” try hanging out by the blacksmith. Everyone has to go there to get their armor repaired, you’ll be standing near a forge (giving you a healthy, rosy glow, good lighting, and perhaps even a light sweat), and hey – all those blacksmiths that come through might just stop to spend a little extra time “training.” And if the smoke gets too bad, just step outside – your lungs are a small sacrifice to make, right?

Blacksmith1

2 – Give half a thought to your race. Night Elves, Blood Elves and Humans are always going to take the top slots and are therefore rather overplayed. Take a look at the Draenei (if you’re into something a little more Outlandish – har har) or the Trolls – who wouldn’t want a girl that can bellydance! And you never know – that voluptuous female dwarf with the long braids might get you some hot dates!

3 – Remember that first impressions are everything. If you’re going to set up a level 1 ERP alt, pay attention to what you look like on the character screen. Nobody wants to pretend to do the nasty with a chick that looks like she just sucked on a lemon, even if she probably did it to get the taste out of her mouth. Remember that blondes have more fun, and white-haired Night Elves have the most. Roll a Draenei if you’re going for that exotic look – you never know what kind of fun you can have with that tail. Names are important as well – for a female character, try to pick something that ends with ‘i’, particularly if it has some unusual spellings. Male characters are a little harder, so see what the automatic name generator comes up with. LBDress

4 – Clothing is also an important decision, particularly since this is a video game and you don’t have to worry about how long it’ll take that warrior to unbuckle all the straps on your skin-tight leather harness. What kind of encounters are you trying to attract? The dominatrix types are going to want to have their character be at least a rogue, in order to wear leather harnesses and black leather pants. Cloth wearers have a few really skimpy options in the clothing department, but you can never go wrong with a Lovely Black Dress. It takes only a modicum of effort to dress yourself in something other than the standard level 1 starting zone clothes. This is facilitated by #5…

5 – Everything is easier with a patron. Those high level characters running around in Stormwind/Orgrimmar with enough shiny armor to build a fleet of gyrocopters? Yeah – they’re the ones with money. Definitely seek them out – if you can catch one, you’ll find yourself in an Easter Dress before you can get the straps loosened on your Lovely Black one.

Trade_BlackSmithing The best way to do this is, of course, to hang out by the armorer or blacksmith (see tip #1). All those raids lead to a need for repairs, so they all will be stopping by there afterwards. Oh – and yeah, if you can, try to pick warriors and paladins that are wielding a big two-hander, not the ones with shields. Shields don’t help you with the kind of protection you want, and they’ll probably be tanks, and therefore broke. Nothing puts a damper on a shopping spree like a tank with 60g in treerepairs a night.

6 – If voyeurism is your thing, and you’re tempted to dress up like a tree and make crow noises… at least get yourself a proper disguise! Resto druids already have this covered, but their form is more identifiable on sight. Also, really, crow noises are overrated. For top concealment, may we suggest practicing your best drunken dwarf impressions.

7 – Speaking of disguises, now would be a good time to mention body modification. For the standard ERP situations, your character should be fine as is, though you can always use A FlagRSP2 description to tell us about her back-breaking breasts, curvy but very muscular build, and tiny waist. But if you’re into the fetish market, anything goes! Remember, nobody can tell you what is or isn’t appropriate RP, so set yourself up with FlagRSP2 and let the world know about the cat tail, ears, vampire fangs, or mechanical hand. Sure you might get some naysayers, but any attention is good attention, right?

rsp2

8 – Location, location, location. If it’s good enough for the bedroom, it’s good enough for the living room downstairs. And hey – someone might want to join in, and that just makes the encounter all the better! Also, keep your options and your eyes open. Sure Goldshire, Stormwind, and Silvermoon have the reputation – which is always a good place to start – you never know where you’re going to find that special someone to have a quickie with before you go off killing some more spiders. draeneiflirt

9 - Scoping out the prospects: This is another time when FlagRSP can come in particularly handy. Any mention of loneliness is a good place to start, as are particularly virile or attractive descriptions. Look for any notifying marks that the person might be receptive to your advances. Also, you can sometimes get hints as to just what someone is looking for in a partner, and reduce your risk of rejection. Feel like swinging both ways? Make a casual (or not so casual) hint in your description and open yourself up to propositions from other players as well! A note that mentions “mature RP” is another good way to say “hey – I’m lookin’ for some lovin’!”. Keep in mind though, that the job of conversation starter is always up to you – so start one with whomever you think looks interesting (no matter how busy they seem to be)!

10 – And finally, remember that nothing exists in a vacuum – If it turns you on, there’s someone else out there that’s looking for it. So go nuts, no matter how weird, deranged, or otherwise distasteful everyone you talk to thinks you are!

So whether you’re into tails, tusks, long ears, or just the cute girl next door, hopefully you can apply a few of these pithy points towards procuring plentiful partners and enjoying Warcraft just the way you like it!

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13 Responses to “Be an RP-Sex Genius!”

  1. I’d hit it.

  2. It’s true, white haired night elves have the most fun. I think you’re underestimating the naked dancing thing, at least in the right venue. Naked dancing on top of a bar for example makes them think you’re drunk, and more likely to stoop for a lowly level 15 in greys and a defias mask. Being level 15 they also tend to be rather quick about their business, and those little bits of silver add up fast!

    By Lilivati on Apr 1, 2008 | Reply
  3. Man. I was an ERP noob before, but no longer thanks to Anna.

    I get all the gold.

  4. Man, I’d totally hit that!

    Roberth, Holy (maybe not so much so now…) Priest, Silver Hand (the original RP server!)

    By Tom on Apr 1, 2008 | Reply
  5. The correct term is “sugar daddy,” not patron. Just, y’know. Clearin that up.

    Also, WHY ARE YOU SO GOOD AT THIS.

    By Tarq on Apr 2, 2008 | Reply
  6. *wink*

    By Anna on Apr 2, 2008 | Reply
  7. Gotta throw in my recommendation of Goldshire as your best bet if you’re looking for hot half-Vampires! =P

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