Ode to a ‘Splody Bat Man
Posted on March 20, 2008 - Filed Under Guest Posts, Other stuff, Silly
This was given to me by Shugotenshi, who was there at its original telling by Ninquelote, on the Feathermoon server. I did not witness the original telling, but I have so loved this poem that I found it needed to be transcribed. I hope that you all enjoy it as much as I did (and still do).
Also - this is one of the reasons that I was so happy to hear that the bat men do, in fact, explode again (they were nerfed for awhile), even though nobody really does much with Zul’Gurub anymore.
*
Ode to the ‘Splody Bat Man
By Ninquelote
Transversing Zul’Gurub? Oh, Traveler, Beware!
There’s more than the stench of troll pong in the air.
There’s snake pong! And spider pong! (a pong quite unmatched!)
And bat rider pong with bat rider attached!
I met a bat rider who left such an impression
That, once healed, I composed this poetic digression:
Ode to a ‘Splody Bat Man!
Oh joyous bat rider, you soar through the sky,
And the troll-children wave as your bat-train flits by,
How your bats fill the air with shrill chirps and sharp pong!
Oh what happy bats they must be, sailing along…
But all is not well, for buried in side you
Is the terrible charge which will wholly divide you.
And when war is afoot and the battle turns ill,
You turn victory pyrrhic with a most bitter pill.
For your eyes, they glow red, and you cackle with glee
At the messy and painful surprise there will be!
And, muttering a magical, sulphurous ode…
You ’SPLODE!
You ‘splode with a vengeance! Not some little “pop!”
You make a plateau from the green mountaintop!
The warriors clad in fel, magical gear,
Are half turned to jelly, and half disappear!
The rogues, oh so dodgy, just cease to exist!
They can’t dodge the furious bone-filled red mist.
And the cloth-clad folks, hapless (though farther away)
Are equally slain for their role in the fray.
I gaze at the carnage, the mountain laid bare
And pick little bits of bat guts from my hair
And I wonder how someone who loves his bats so
Could turn them to mincemeat in one ‘splody blow.
Are you catty or batty? A fiend or a freak?
Your repair bill alone must be 10 gold a week!
What could possible drive you to this crazed solution
That calls for the loss of your own constitution?
Are the benefits good? Do the troll-women flock?
As you stride from that troll-hospital down the block?
Do your parents say proudly, “Here lies Dear K0rr0siv.
He transcended dysfunction; went straight to explosive!”
I flat out don’t get why you’d take such a task,
But there isn’t much left of you for me to ask.
So I’ll get back to grooming, and go back to town,
And stare in the distance, and mutter, and frown.
And I’ll try to determine as best as I can,
What drives the demise of the ‘Splody Bat Man.
*image from www.wowwiki.com
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I pulled this from the World of Warcraft forums! Enjoy!
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England: Ok everyone, this is a simple fight, basically we are going to form one big circle around Germany and slowly dps it down. Can uh someone please help me summon the US?
US: Uh yeah guys, I’m in the bank sorting my bags out, dont summon yet.
Poland dies.
England: POLAND WTF WHY START THE FIGHT!
Poland: Dude I didn’t he just aggroed.
Austria-Hungary is afflicted by mind-control.
England: SOMEONE PICK IT UP NOW
France: It’s cool, I got this
France casts German-France border shield wall.
Germany casts go-through-belgium.
France dies
France: FFS why do I always die so quick?
England: OK WTF WHY AM I TANKING, I’M SUPPOSED TO BE RANGE DPS FROM OVER HERE. OK I need 2 people to help summon US, we still got this.
US: Wait, I’m just looking at cloth on the AH, don’t summon.
Germany takes flight.
England: OK OK OK, he’s in phase 2, I need all heals on me.
Canada: Dude, just bandage yourself.
Italians attacks British Somaliland in East Africa
British Somaliland: Adds have spawned.
Greece dies.
Yugoslavia dies.
Greece: F$%@ing blitzkrieg, that Sh$@s way too overpowered.
England: Ok Russia, you need to pull aggro and collapse all the way to Stalingrad
Russia: AH WTF, i was supposed to be dps, goddamn you noobass tanks.
US has been afflicted by pearl harbor.
US: AH WTF
England: ?????
US: My durability on my weapons just went down like 50%, what the hell?
Australia: OH CRAP AN ADD JUST SPAWNED ABOVE ME, helppppppppppp.
US: Ok summon
US: wth
England: ???
US: You guys are like tier 1, and wtf france you’re still using greys?
France: /w US Can i have some money plz?
England: Ok we got this side covered, how’s right side?
Russia: just popped mass production, i’m coo
Germany becomes enraged and launches V2 rockets.
England: Ok stay away from those and get him down quick
Germany dies
US: Ok all on Japan
England: US, execute
US launches Enola Gay
Japan: Stay your attack mortals, I submit, I SUBMIT.
US: LOOT
England: ohhhhhh, this should be interesting [Germany], ok roll if you need.
US rolls 50 (1-100)
Russia rolls 50 (1-100)
I still think ZA should have had exploding bears. Because I want every rogue ever to suffer as I have suffered.
Ah, yes… memories. Just love the bit about the repair bill